Childhoodtake2!

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on birth.

And here we are again...when the word of the week directly speaks to me. I have been thinking so much about both of your births these past few weeks. I have a potential client that does home births, and I have been sharing your birth story, and I even was talking to dad about both of your stories. And then, this week, here's the word.

Anna, it all started with you and your incredible story. How you made your way to us, how scared I was in the room, how much scarier it got when we had to have surgery, your dad's face that I will never forget as he walked into the O.R. and we immediately switched personalities...he was emotional and worried, I was calm and confident. He was watching his whole world on a table, hanging in the balance of a doctor we barely knew, I was sure it would be great, and begged him to be with you..."there will be a team working on me, don't leave her side, be there for our daughter lovey, I'm going to be okay, it's all going to be okay." And it was. Sweetie, you came into this world at your own time, in your own way and even though there was what could have been chaos and mayhem, it, like you, was very calm. It, like you, had a silent presence, energy and actual force you could feel. And, again, you spoke to me...mom, it's all going to be okay, I'm supposed to come out this way, so just close your eyes and get some rest, I'll see you soon.

Cole, yours was exactly you. Even though it was supposed to be surrounded by the calm of knowing what was to come, well, it wasn't. Something went wrong every step of the way, just little things. You, my little monkey, needed to set your mark from the beginning. You were always telling me how different you would be and get ready mom, your life is about to get loud and crazy, and lots of energy coming your way. And then, all eyes were on you and people were immediately drawn. People fought over changing you, holding you, damn, you immediately won hearts. Your dad, this time, was ready. He knew what was to come. He was just waiting.

Lovies, your dad, he couldn't wait to meet you both. I so wish you could have seen him BEFORE he had you because it was so special and you would instantly know how loved you are. He is the reason you are here because watching him talk about you like you were already here, I just couldn't deny him this. I couldn't take this from him, he was made to be your dad, and he wrote this chapter for us.

Your birth, it was exactly how both of you were to come. One, slow, quiet, methodical. The other, crazy, loud, eyes wide open. Your lives, they are being played out exactly as they should be. Exactly as you, we, the universe is writing them out.

Thank you for finding us loves. Thank you for making this happen. Thank you for being the reason I believe in happily ever after and love at first sight. Thank you for making me a believer in magic and making me kinder and slower and more thoughtful. Thank you for giving dad this chapter that he so desperately wanted. Thank you for making me want it too and thank you for making our lives a page-turner.

Thanks for being born.

Stop.

Something very special happened on the day you came into this world.
You were born, your birth is celebrated, you have begun.
And we celebrate all of you...
your tiny fingers
your little toes
we guess who you look like
what and who you will be.
You are so pink,
brand new pink.
We celebrate all of you
and your wonder
and greatness
your smallness
you.
We celebrate all of you.

But, in the shadows, in the background, a mom is born.

She too feels small
and scared
and full.
She is full of wonder and fright.
She is full of love and excitement and more fear.
She is full of hope.
She too sees the world differently now.
She too is seeing it all for the first time.

She wants to cry and be held and be comforted.
She wants to rock with you
because she is so small.
She is so scared
and she is full of love.

Her heart physically grows,
she can feel it.
And not just to make room, but because a new love was created.
She is born in labor rooms, in operating rooms, or in law-firms.
She is born screaming her way through it, crying, shaking and fighting for survival, for life.
She is born through natural childbirth, c-section, drugs, adoption, surrogacy, none of that matters.
She is born.

She watches as a dad is born too, a father, and she takes it all in.
She sits and watches, she falls even harder, ever deeper,
in love.
She sees him learn and grow.
She watches him fall in love, all over again.
She watches his chest, as it too fills.
She can feel that too.
She watches, as a dad is born, a father,
a man who will forever be your back
your amazing
your hero
your dad that fixes everything.
She watches a dad be born too.

She is tired but always finds more to give.
She gives of herself, of her mind, she gives you her body, her soul.
And she is mournful as you take your next step.
She realizes you are always more ready, you are always wanting the next milestone.
And so she mourns your loss.
Your need.
To be completely honest, she is mourning your loss to need her.
She has to keep herself and her desire to hold you undercover.
She has to move forward with you because she won't be left behind.
She is born.

She is torn down, she rebuilds.
She is awakened through exhaustion.
She is the love that fixes the broken pieces.
She is right, she is wrong, she doesn't care,
she just wants peace.
She is born.

She creates, she does destroy,
she is fearful and feared.
She is strong, even during her weakest of moments, her strength is like no other.
She is born.

She grows along with you,
day by day, she is growing too.
She is taking her first steps, her first words, as mom.
She is learning, through you and your ways.
She is learning a new rhythm, a new dance.
She is so new, so raw, so glorious,
she is born.

She tries to be and stay in the background, so you find your own way.
She realizes you have to find your own strength,
and independence...
she is raising you to leave her.
Let me say that again because it is worth repeating...
she is raising you to leave her.
She is born.

She is and does define love.
and grace.
and hard wonderful strength.
She is born.

She watches as sibling love is also born.
She watches as new love is once again created.
A new love between the two of you.
She watches, as everyone's heart grows again.
She feels it inside each and everyone.
She created all of this love, all of these large relationships and feelings.
And she is born into sibling arguments, and fights and the push and pull.
She is teaching, guiding, learning as she goes.

She sees how big the small is.
She sees how gorgeous parenting can be, even in the ugly.
She realizes how much there is to learn, especially when she thinks she knows it all.
She watches you, always.
She adores you.
She changed so much for you.
She changed herself, her body, her definition of self,
god, she doesn't recognize herself
because she was born,
the day you were born.

And then comes the day the seasoned mother realizes, there is so much of her still there.
And she realizes what it means to put on her own oxygen mask first.
And she does, and she finds so much more of herself to give.

Yes, you are to be celebrated.
Your fingers and toes counted and kissed.
From the top of your head down to your last piglet toe,
you are to be celebrated.
You were born.
Fresh, new, all new to this world.
You are the best people she knows.
And she is your biggest fan,
always on your side and always rooting for you.
And she is so lucky you chose her to mother.
See, you created her too.
And that is why each year, your birthday has a very special meaning for her.
It's a very special day for her too.
It is full of memories,
and each second means something to her.
Each second is a count down
to the day she was born.
She is born to love you
she is born to watch you
she is born to raise you
and she is born to let you go.
She is born.