Childhoodtake2!

I crept into your room and even though dad had just put you down, I knew you were almost asleep.
Exhausted from your day
from your not napping
from the running around.
I knew you were almost done.

And so, I opened the door and your heavy eyes opened one last time
as you looked at me,
calm
quiet
still
soft.

And I snuggled in.
To the face that I made,
the one that I love,
the little three year old boy that is all energy.
Who's switch had finally been flicked off.
And I saw how soft you have always been,
even when you're hard.

It's a word that rarely gets used to describe you.
The one in constant motion,
the one that is constantly storming,
always loud
always all in.
Soft, it's rare that anyone calls you soft.

And in these moments,
I think about all of the ways I fell short today.
How many times I was too harsh,
when I wasn't the adult in the room,
when I was too hard
And I think about what I have left you with.
What memories did I make?
How many more nights will I get to see this little little boy?

And you sweet boy,
you remind me of second chances.
Because no matter how difficult our day was
no matter how hard it was on us,
you are soft.
No matter how harsh I may have been
how many do overs I needed,
no matter how hard I was,
you always forgive because you are soft.
You still wrap your loving and forgiving arms around me
still tell me you love me
still find the ability to be silly.
When life is hard,
you remind me to be soft.
When you are hard,
I have to remember to approach it softly.
When I am hard on you, on our day, on our little family,
you are the one that teaches me to be softer.
When things get hard,
you plead with me to take the soft way out.
Because you are forgiving,
to me
and others
to yourself
and your family.
You are soft,
to me
and others
and yourself
and others.

You remind me how easy it is to start over.
How easy it is to let go.
How easy it is to forgive and move on.
How easy it is to be soft, gentle, and loving.

You are full of love
full of second chances
full of life
full of joy
even when you are hard, you are soft.

It started pretty early with you.
The stifling
of you
of your movement
of your actions
the NO! that we scream multiple times a day.
You were always so much more active,
squirmy
quick to grab
take.
You always wanted to be on the go
run run run
climb
jump
dance.
It was always movement.
Yes, you are even active while you sleep.
Constantly tossing and turning,
moving.
Forever in motion.
And so, we learned how to say "no!" quickly and it has always stuck.

Even as I write this, during what is supposed to be your quiet time,
your time to regroup
maybe take a little nap,
I hear those little feet scrambling.
I hear you in and out of that room.
I am up and down the stairs trying to get you to just rest,
even for a few minutes.

But, my sweet boy.
You need to move.
You need to be active.
You need it for your soul.
It is a part of your purpose
it is what defines you.
Motion, movement, action, play, climbing, jumping,
motion.
And WE have to find ways to accept that
WE have to find ways to channel all of that energy and make it all ok.

We have to find a way to be ok with you falling.
And hurting yourself
and maybe even breaking a bone (did I just write that??!)
Because you need to climb.
You need to run
you will trip
you will topple over
you will fall from something high
but you also need to move.

And these stifling parents that you have,
the ones that always say no
the ones that are always taking you down,
the ones that are always pulling you off of something or somewhere high
the ones that are telling you to slow down
the ones that are always yelling no
these stifling parents of yours
they will catch up
to you.