Childhoodtake2!

I am a doer.
I, am a list maker.
I live by them.
I like things organized, and neat.
I like to check off my boxes.
And once you become a mom, you can happily be flying through your day and you hear,
"can you come play with me?"
you decide to be close.

I like routine,
structure.
I like knowing that at 7, you head up the stairs.
I like knowing that by 7:30, we say goodnight to our day.
I like that feeling of tucking you in, knowing we are ending it right.
I like that you sleep in your bed and I sleep in mine.
I like coming in to give you one more kiss, I love seeing how small you look in a big kid bed.
But once you hear
"can I sleep with you tonight?"
you decide to be close.

I like having dinner together.
I like talking about our day
the good, the bad, the parts that make no sense because your story is so all over the place.
I like having us around the island, I like knowing that it will get easier.
But when you hear
"can we snuggle on the coach and watch something?"
you decide to be close.

I like going for runs alone.
It's my time to think,
no music, just the sound of my awkward feet hitting the road.
I am so self conscious most of the time,
and even though I look ridiculous running, and so many people tell me that, I just don't care.
This is my time, just me, the cold, the heat, the road, me.
And then I hear
"can I go with you?"
and you decide to be close.

At the end of the day, I am finished.
I have nothing left to give.
My patience, what very little I start with, is completely gone.
My temper has most likely come out.
I am through, I am done.
But when I hear "can you please snuggle with me?"
and I decide to be close.

I decide to bring you in
to give you what you need, which is me.
To be what you need, which is there.
To love you the way I know how, which is through closeness and affection and wrapping my arms around all of your little.

I decide to be close
to you
to love
to family
to affection
to warmth
to us.
I decide to be close.