Childhoodtake2!

Every Friday we unite for five minutes to write on one word. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on embrace.
Go.

This is my year of more!
My year of more love
more calm
more peace
more joy
more them
more me
more us
more!

And in order to allow that much love to fill your heart
you have to embrace your life.
Right where you are.
You have to embrace where you are and take it all in and be all in.
You have to remember you can walk away from what pains you
you can ride out tough storms with those you love and you can fall in love with you and life
all over again.

This is my year of accepting my life
the one I created
the one I balance
the one I sometimes want to walk away from but never could
the one I would recreate all over again if given the chance
this is my year of embracing it all.

This is the year I embrace that I will have no more babies
this is the year I embrace my big kids and the wonderful that comes with that
this is the year I embrace a new puppy and more love into our home
this is the year I embrace him, my forever, no matter what, my forever person.

This is the year I embrace this life, this crazy spinning we do.
I welcomed you all back into my fold,
I stopped trying to chase what we don't have
because we are gorgeous as is.

This is the year I embrace smiles, theirs and mine.
This is the year I ask my daughter how I am doing as a mother
and I embrace her honesty.
This is the year I embrace her words when she says I need more patience and I need more happy.
This is the year the day the moment.

Stop.

Every Friday we unite for five minutes to write on one word. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on safe.
Go.

I want you to always feel that this is your base
that we are your comfort
that this house turned home is your foundation and your rock
that here, inside these walls, surrounded by love is where you feel safe.

I too feel safe here
my most comfortable
my most cozy.

I want this to be a place you can always feel right at home,
right where you belong.
Because although we will challenge you
although we will ask you to rise to greatness
you can also come here to rest your head
and your tired eyes
and your bones that need healing.

You can come here to recharge and regroup before you head back out and do you.
Home is where you are safe,
where you are loved
where you have a team.

Home and safe should all be one word here.
Interchangeable even.
Because I built a life of love and safety
even during our times of stress and confusion and feeling lost.
Home was my compass
home is where I feel most safe.

Home was not always defined as safe for me,
which is why as an adult I need to make sure it now is.
I will not allow it to feel any other way
I will remove all hate and fear from these walls
I will allow only us, the real us, to live here.

Home will always be your safe haven.
Your refuge and your calm.
A place for us to reconnect and remind ourselves that we are in this together,
we are all on the same team.
You are safe here little faces, you are safe.

Stop.

Every Friday we unite for five minutes to write on one word. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on control.
Go.

This is my word.
This is my mission.
This is my calling, control.
The irony is that I left a home of control,
I left a home of feeling like I had no control,
and I took off.
What started as a stand that I was in charge and in control of me
quickly turned into an anthem of control of everything.
My life, theirs, the world, loss of control is so difficult for me.

And even though I met a person that allows me to feel as though I am in control, even though he is my partner in every way,
the more I want.
The more I fight for it.
The more I put on my fighting gloves and am in pain when I get knocked down from something out of my control.

This year, my new anthem is more.
And with that, I have to let go...more.
I have to let them go, more.
I have to let them decide, more.
I have to let them be, more.
I have to let them choose, more.
I have to let them figure out, more.
I have to let them conclude, more.

Because I am not in control of anything other than my reactions.
And I need to get a handle on those reactions, more.
I have to be their guide, their rock, more.
I have to be more of their joy.

Because the one thing I learned, the big lesson I took away,
was the more control you put on your kids, your life, your world, the more you are spun out of control.
The more the universe takes over.
The more your kids rebel and fight you, instead of turn toward you.
The more you lose, while trying to keep it all together.

And so, my little faces, it is time I give you the wheel and I turn some of the control over to you.
Because that clearly tells you that I don't just love you, but I trust you.
You've got this.

Stop.