Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on guide.
Eyes wide open, that's how I explain to people that I went into parenting.
I did not have misconceptions about the diaper commercials and thinking it would calm and full of nothing but love.
I knew parenting would be hard.
I knew it would be messy.
I knew it would change me, I knew it would hurt me.
I knew that I wouldn't recognize myself.
I knew that it would make me lose sleep, and money and patience.
So, you would think someone that is that aware, would have a guide.
You would think she knew a thing or two about what to do, how to handle a situation, how to not buckle under pressure, how to measure up, how to stay calm during the chaos, how to not yell, how to only love, how to keep her marriage unrattled by the changes parenting brings, how to keep up with it all, how to balance it all, how to live the life I want, how to accept the challenges, how to handle the breakdowns, how to motivate, how to ask, how to raise you, how to not be upset, how to not shatter, how to build, how to guide.
You would think she would know how to guide, she would have the book in her back pocket and she would pull it out whenever needed.
Because my eyes were wide open and I didn't for one second think it would be easy, I knew better.
But someone who knows better knows there is no guide.
There is no book.
There is no one size fits all.
There is no way of knowing what is ahead, what challenges will come.
There is no way of knowing how to answer all of the questions.
There is no way of knowing what is the right way to handle every situation.
There is no way of replicating the situation.
There is no way of seeing what tomorrow brings.
Someone who knows better realizes how frustrating parenting is.
Realizes that is is all so much hard work.
Someone who knows better is not confident.
She is shaky because parenting rattles you.
She realizes there are no answers.
There is no right vs wrong.
There is no making up for time lost.
Someone who knows better knows that it's not just you that changes, everything changes.
And at times, that can feel so humbling, so out of control.
Everything is changing all of the time.
Someone who knows better knows it's not just money and sleep and patience you lose, you also lose control.
You lose yourself.
You lose who you were, your identity, how you define you
and so does your partner and so do your kids, everyone and everything is changing all of the time.
Someone who knows better knows that rough patches come and laughter and time heal.
Someone who knows better knows that all you can do is hold on
and come out the other side someone different and a bit weathered, but you are still there.
Someone who knows better knows you can't just become their mom and lose all of you.
Someone who knows better knows there is no guide.
And so she takes it day by day.