Childhoodtake2!

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on listen.

Go.

Lovies, mom isn't a very wu-wu person, I live much more in the practical. But over the last several years, I have stopped to really listen to the universe and figure out what it is trying to tell me. Or what it is trying to protect me from. Or what it is asking me to let go, or get over. Or what it is asking me to pay attention to. So, maybe that's wu-wu, maybe it's getting older, maybe it's setting up priorities and owning my life more, maybe it's giving up control and realizing I'm not in charge anyway, maybe I have been talking for so long that it's finally time to listen.

So, I am taking in the sounds of rain. I am watching the fall season land in NY with all of its glory. I am listening to my intuition tell me something is off. I am listening to you talk more, really connecting with you several times a day and listening all about your day. I am listening to what is important to you, right now and today vs yesterday. I am listening to our puppy when she is asking to be paid attention to or be run and played with. I am listening to my body when it is telling me it is tired. I am listening to my mind when it is telling me the same. I am listening to my feet, legs, arms, and muscles when they are telling me to stop fighting and running and climbing and pushing...instead, just take it in.

In my year of change, I have spent time listening to you universe. I am still a little rocky, shakey, and unsure of all you are trying to tell me. I am still trying to figure out if this is you talking or life just being life. I am still trying to figure out if I need to back off or show up harder. I am still trying to figure out how to be okay without being the tightly wound me. I am still trying to put it all together.

But lovies, I hear you too. I see the change in you when I changed. I see how much stronger we are, how little tension there is, how much more loving we can be. I see that you too needed to be heard and were asking me to listen and pay attention. I see that I needed to regroup, restructure and reprioritize. I'm listening lovies, I'm going to continue to do so.

Stop.

Every Friday we unite for five minutes to write on one word. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on listen.
Go.

I have been told it is my best quality.
I have been told it is why people always feel so comfortable.
I have been told it's why I am so good at my job.
I have been told that it's because it makes people feel important, and heard.
Who doesn't want to be heard?
All we have to do is listen.

However, I know me, and I know that with those I cherish the most, I don't always listen.
I am too interested in being right.
I am too invested in making sure they don't get hurt and trying to protect them.
I am trying too hard to get them to see it my way, the way I think is the right way.
When all I have to do is listen.

And as we continue to go down this road,
as you grow and I no longer have babies
if I don't tune in and just let you talk
you will not turn to me.
If I make you feel judged,
if I make you feel like you aren't making the right choice, the right decision,
you won't feel heard.
All I have to do is listen.

All I have to do is listen.
Because if I am not your rock today, I won't be later either.
Because I made a promise of the mother I want to be remembered as.
And I want to be the one you can rely on
to listen.

And yes, I will admit, I am good at listening.
I love hearing people tell their story, share their life.
But what happens when you are asking questions about yourself to no one.
Kind of leaving it out there that you are questioning so much about your journey,
will I be strong and wise enough to listen?

This entire year,
I feel as though the universe has been screaming at me.
I feel as though all of the questions I have, the universe has answered
But my fear keeps blocking it out, and treating it all like noise.
I am not listening to all of the reasons things will work out.
I am not listening to my instincts
I am not listening to all of the support I have.
All I have to do is listen.
The questions have been answered
all I have to do is listen.

Stop.

Every Friday we unite for five minutes to write on one word. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on cheer.
Go.

I was never good at this.
Being the cheerleader, being the one to push people on and forward.
Until I realized it doesn't have to always look the way people think it does, the way I thought it did.
Sometimes cheering someone on means just simple listening.
Allowing them to pour their heart out and not say a word, no advice to give, other than cry if you need to, cry for as long as you need to.
Sometimes cheering someone on means letting them know they are not alone, people love you and are here for you.
Sometimes cheering someone on means not letting them hold their pain inside, where it will destroy them.
Sometimes cheering someone on means just simple listening.

The one piece of parenting advice that I got that I think is the only one I have tried to follow is listen.
Don't talk, just listen and listen as intently as possible.
They will start talking and if they feel you are listening, they will continue to.
Don't judge, don't advise, don't push.
Listen to the little things now and they will tell you the big things later,
because to them, it is all big.

And so, I am your biggest cheerleader.
I am always in your corner, to back you up.
Even when you are 100% wrong, I will be your foundation to rebuild.
Because I am here to listen
not judge, not tell you how to do it differently, better, but to help you come to your own conclusions.
To let you fall apart until you are ready to put yourself back together.
To hold your hand and hold you close when you feel your most alone
to cry with you
to listen
to cheer.

Stop.