Every Friday we unite for five minutes to write on one word. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on lose.
Over the years, I have lost my youth.
My skin, hair, eyes, body, nothing looks, feels or acts the same.
As they grow, I have at times lost me.
Through the fog and mess of parenting, I have lost a piece of who I was.
As they continue to grow, I have lost that feeling that I know what I am doing.
Much easier to feel confident in your parenting decisions about scheduling feedings and nap times.
So much easier to know what to do when you are just loving, not actually parenting yet.
So much easier to know how to dress them, and much harder to know what to say when they are sad.
I have lost the ability to have confidence in this job.
Over the years,
I have lost my ability to feel rested.
The ability to wake up and feel like I just got the proper amount of sleep and I am ready to start today fully alert.
Over the years, I have lost my temper, my patience and at times my mind.
I have lost control over the mess, which at times means I have lost the battle with an image I have in my head.
But what I have found
It's that simple.
I have found you,
the ones I didn't even realize I was searching for.
The ones that gave me my second chance, that believe in me, that believe in family.
I have found comfort.
I have found home.
I have found family in all of you.