Childhoodtake2!

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on simplify.
Go.

Oh how I need to.
This upholder needs to work so much smarter and less hard.
And so, with the start of the new year and how different things are going to be, I am starting all over again.
Because yesterday is over and it's time to write another story.

This year, I start with automation of my home.
Figuring out the little areas that I am spending a little time here and there that are taking up too much of my time.
I can automate the lights going on/off with special bulbs that detect dawn and dusk.
I can automate when things I get every month show up at my house.
I can automate my budget spreadsheet with formulas so things populate on their own.

I am simplifying the things I bring into my home, like cleaners.
I no longer want a cleaner for each surface of my home.
It seems strange to even think of that as an area that consumes time, but thinking through how much cleaner I have to dust vs how much toilet cleaner vs how much floor cleaner vs how much bathroom sink cleaner vs how much kitchen surface cleaner vs how much sink cleaner and then adding them to different lists and getting them at the store...stop!
I have simplified down to 3 and 2 of them are easy homemade.

I am simplifying my routines.
I am using my knowledge of me to not take on challenges.
I am saying no to things that take up my time and fortunate enough to say, is there a way I can pay someone else to just do that for me.
I am starting this year with a new different thing each month and not making all of the changes all at once and feeling overwhelmed.
Slow, I am going slow and smart.

I am going to be proud of the simple ways I inject love into my family.
Like all of our traditions that make my kids feel grounded, close, connected, loved and build a strong foundation.
I am going to find simple ways to connect with friends that don't live near me, so we all feel together.
I am going to take a step back from complicated relationships that make me feel weighted down.
I am going to remove so much of the noise that this loud loud world brings.

I am going to sit in the white clean simple empty space and all of its beauty.
This year is different.
And as this mamma gets closer and closer to 40, she is ready to own this life she built.

Busy.
Distracted.
Annoyed.
Striving.
Determined.
Frustrated.
Intense.
On the verge.
Angry.
Harsh face.
Harsh words.
No smile.
I fear that's how you will remember me.
I fear that's all I will leave with you,
all you will take away from our time together.
Instead of remembering our hugs,
our warmth
our snuggles
our time together in which we really really get it right.

And so, I will start slowly.
To develop, create and lead a more simple life.

One in which I let the rain come pouring down and in.
One in which I realize there are and will continue to be bad times, bad days,
but that's okay.
I will allow them to come pouring in too.
Because there is another side.
An end.
And sometimes you have to truly and completely feel the bad to realize how good this little life is.

I will not live my life for another day.
I will slowly become present.
I will slowly stop regretting the past.
I will slowly stop worrying about the future.
I will slowly lead a simple life.

This will be enough, this simple life will be enough.
The best is not yet to come.
The best is now.
No more waiting for the chaos to stop.
No more waiting for things to be different.
No more wishing time, this time, this day/week/month away.
No more wishing my life away.
I will slowly lead a simple life.

It's when I slow down when I really start living.
It's when I remember to smile, remember the important moments.
It's when moments happen.
It's when this happens...

Because what point is there in wondering what will become
of me
of life
of careers
of family.
Why hang my head in fear, confusion, worry, always worry.
There are and will continue to be bad times, and that's okay.
Time is short, but that's okay.
My time is now.

And so, I will start.
I will start slow and accept my personal challenges.
I will realize I cannot change all at once.
I will hush the confusion and the loud.
I will hush the worry and want.
I will calm the storm and quiet the concern.
And I will slowly lead a simple life.

I will slow down, I will breathe you in, because you are always enough.
I will show you simple, and the joys all around us, and end each day with love, because that is enough.
I will look at the starry night and it will be enough.
I will breathe in the air on a family walk, and listen to what you find, what you have to say,
because you are always enough.
I will not abandon you, I will be there, present with you, and I will be enough.
We will sing as we head out the door in the morning, it won't have to be a rush, and it will be enough.
I will put my phone away for dinner, it will be just us, and the quiet will bring about conversation.
I will look at you when we are talking.
Because your stories are important. And I will treat them as such because you are enough.
And one day, I hope you realize, I am always here to listen.
We will read together as many times a week as possible, it will be our time, our thing, and it will be enough.
I will list three favorite parts of my day, every day to you both.
I will explain in detail why they were my favorite, why they were enough for me today.
Together, we will create a gratitude journal, we will add to it daily, we will read it together when we need a reminder of love and how fortunate we are, and it will be enough for our hearts.
I will leave you a love note in your lunch or for when you wake up and I am not there.
A note to tell you that today, this morning, now, I am with you now and I really love you, you are enough.
I will find ways to say yes instead of no.
I will stop saying stop.
I will let you climb and move and move and move.
Because you need movement, because you need to find out what your own boundaries are.
Because you need to figure out what is enough for you.
We will continue our do overs and we will start the moment over when we need to. Everyone deserves a second chance.
I will have you set the agenda, what do you want to do right now? Your choice, you decide, I am all yours
and I will be enough.
I will play with you, I will have time for you, I am enough for you.
When I put you to sleep, I will thank you for finding me. You are always more than enough.
I will go on runs with you, we will build your endurance, help you to listen to your body to slow down and find your pace. You will come to realize how important it is to take care of your body, how good it feels to be good to you, because we are enough.
Dates, talking dates, dates about our future, dates with our kids, we will all start dating each other.
Because when life is simple,
when it is calm,
peaceful
joyous
clean
happy and content for what I have, not what I am striving for,
I am enough for you
you are enough for me.

This will be enough, this simple life will be enough.

People fall in love in the most mysterious ways.
Maybe it's the touch of a hand,
maybe it's a look,
maybe it's a moment that you can't forget.
Maybe its' because from the moment I met you, I felt like I always knew you.
Maybe because you smell like home.
Maybe because you were always my comfort, my balance, my calm.
And maybe we found love in simple.
Not complicated.
Not mysterious.
Not rushes of romance and flowers and screaming our love in the pouring rain.
Just simple.
Just wanting to be with each other and working to make it happen.

And then, life gets complicated.
As it always does.
And even through some of those first obstacles, we floated through.
We were graceful and kind in our love.
We were graceful and kind to each other.
We kept our love, our lives, simple.

And then, life got more complicated.
As it always does.
And we stumbled a bit, but we didn't fall.
It got a bit harder to see each other
and we were fighting off debts
and moving
and new jobs
and multiple jobs
and planning a wedding
and...
and still,
we were us.
We were simple and always found each other.
And the end of the day, we touched toes, we held hands.
We kept our love, our lives, simple.

And then, life got more complicated.
As it always does.
And we brought more love into our lives.
We created two faces that filled us full.
Two faces that made our house a home.
We created a simple family.
We kept our love, our lives, simple.

Until it wasn't.

Until it was loud.
Until it was heartbreaking.
Until we stumbled and even fell a bit.
Until the work became hard.
Until it became chaos.
Until is became too messy.
Until it became working all day everyday, in all that we do, there is work.
Until the two people we always knew were changing.
Until we didn't know how to keep up.
Until we realized, it's time to get back to us.
It's time to get back to simple.

And in this season of our lives,
in this season that we are most loved,
in this season of constantly being needed, and talked to, and demanded to do, and asked a million questions,
in this season of dressing and bathing and carrying,
in this season of feeding and cleaning up and wiping faces and noses,
in this season of needed and wanted,
we will stand back on our two feet.
Because it is time.
It's time to brush ourselves off.
It's time to find the simple of us.
It's time to remember that this is so much work, but it doesn't have to be hard.
Not if we focus on the good.
Not if we focus on childhood.
Not if we focus on family.
Not if we hold on to each other as we go.

It is time to go back to simple.
It is time to go back to our love, our lives,
simple.