Five Minute Friday - fly

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on fly.

This Sunday, four months of training comes to a head.
This Sunday, we do our fourth triathlon.
This Sunday marks the end of 2 1/2 or 3-hour workouts.
This Sunday, I take off, I fly.

This Sunday, it will all be over.
This Sunday, I will plunge into that freezing cold water and I will be paralyzed with fear.
This Sunday, I will answer the question of "this is supposed to be fun right?" with hell no, this is supposed to show my body who is boss.
This Sunday, I tell my fears to go to hell.
This Sunday, I tell my MS who is in charge.
This Sunday, I will do it anyway, because that's how I make it through my life, petrified but doing it anyway.
This Sunday, I take off, I fly.

This Sunday, I will hopefully climb on my bike (which means I made it out of the water) and I will pedal.
This Sunday, I will tell my hip to shut up, we are doing this anyway and I will run.
This Sunday, I will tell those passing me, great job.
This Sunday, I will put one put in front of the other
I take off, I fly.

This Sunday, I will remind myself the torture of the swim is under 20 min and anyone can do anything for less than 20 min.
This Sunday, I will remind myself that the hill I climb in the beginning marks my ending too.
This Sunday, I will push through the cold, the shaking.
This Sunday, I take off, I fly.

This Sunday, we will come home and tell the kids how it went.
This Sunday, I will remind them how scared mom is, but how she keeps going.
This Sunday, they will see how strong and brave dad is.
This Sunday, they will ask questions because they have really good hearts.
This Sunday, we will celebrate as a family.

And here we go
four months of work
four months of time
four months of pain
four months of actual anger over the time and pain
four months of people asking "then why?"
four months of saying because I have to prove that I can
to me, I have to prove that I can to me!

This Sunday, I take off, I fly.


Ode to

To the water, the one that wanted to swallow me whole.
The one that was so cold it felt like knives
the one that had me feeling like I could not move
the one that made me think I was standing still and not getting closer to the end
the one that thought it was going to win,
I beat you and I got to the end.

To the hill
the one that's right at the beginning of the bike route
the one that hurts
the one that I haven't been able to get up without walking
the one that is really long and doesn't seem to end
the one that on the way down frightens me because it is so steep
I got up.
I made it to the top
I kept going
and I beat you to the end.

To the man that ran most of the 5K with me
the one who was in Iron Man clothing
the one who was also at a loss for why that water course hit us hard
the one that said "I only did half an Iron Man, not the whole thing"...
I say "I only" too
"I ran a marathon but I only ran it in my neighborhood, not a real race"
"I do triathlons but I only seem to do worse and can't find my grove"
I only I only.
Why do we do that?
And so, with real intensity I turned to you and said, you should be amazed with yourself,
and I meant it sir.
We beat the course, all the way to the end.
We made it to the 2 mile marker and we said, we've got this
and we did.

To the woman I passed and told her great job, almost there
the one that quietly and sadly said, "I feel like I am in last"
you and your voice made me stop and turn around to say "you're not in last but even if you were, we're here to finish"
the one who smiled back and said "I've been in last before" and the one that made me laugh and say
"me too, someone has to be, why not us?"
We made it. I saw you finish too.
You made it to the end, you beat the course.

To my husband
the one who came up with this idea.
The one that asked me to do it
the one that helps me with my swimming
the one that is so concerned for me in the water
the one that shouts to me to make sure I am ok
the one that feels like he disappointed because the course got the best of us
we made it.
It didn't win, it's didn't get the best of us because it didn't beat us all because we made it.
We finished another triathlon.
We finished our third one in three years.
We swam and biked and ran.
We finished
even though we were tired
even though we were out of it
even though our bodies didn't want us to
even though we panicked in the water
even though the exhaustion asked us to stop
we made it to the end.

To my body
the one that tells me it can't but shows me it can
the one that thought it was going to drown
the one that was so exhausted after the swim it didn't know how it would bike
the one that got off the bike and legs hurt so much for the run
the one that wanted to give up, at every turn wanted to just stop.
You didn't.
You kept going
you beat the course
you made it to the end.

To my MS
the one that made me stop moving
the one that told me I needed a nap, now.
The one that made me curl up, shut down
the one that made me feel out of it for a few days
the one that made me scared
I am beating you too.
I am doing this all to prove to you that I still can and I always will.
I am fine, better than fine.
I am beating you all the way to the end.

To my mind
the only one that doubts me
you didn't disappoint.
You were always there second guessing me, us.
You were always reminding me, look someone else passed you
you were always aware of what leg was flying by you
I didn't let you win.
Because I am more stubborn than you.
And every time you tried to tell me I don't have enough grit for this,
I told you to f off and I kept going.
I beat your doubts
just like I beat the course.
And even though I did worse and my times were worse
I made it to the end.
I didn't give up
I kept going

and I owe it to all of you.


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