Childhoodtake2!

Every Friday we unite for five minutes. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on wait.

So your mamma is always in a rush. Running from spot to spot. Dashing from thing to thing. I have a lot of "things". But dear Anna James and Cole Blake, you have forced me to just wait. Wait for you, wait for "I have to grab one more thing", wait for you in the tub, wait for you to make a decision, wait for you to finish that story, wait for you to get dressed, wait for you while you're "just finishing this one thing", wait for you to learn how to do more and need less.

But, I will wait for you.

In my year of change, everything has unraveled. Some good, some bad, some asked for, some not, few wanted changes, some that have floored me, some needed, some that left me empty, some that energized me, some that left me shook and angry. But you have stayed pretty constant. You have stayed in your you-ness. You have lingered and walked slow and taught me to linger longer. So, I will wait for you.

I will wait as you figure things out. I will wait as you decide who you are going to be right now, changing tomorrow. I will wait to see what this new phase will bring. I will wait you walking as slowly as you want because there is no rush. We have nowhere else to be.

I will wait for you.

Stop.

In happens all at once.
You become a different child, a different person and I lose you.
I feel you slipping farther and farther away.
The real you, she disappears.
And what is left is a tired, angry, and former version of you.
I don't recognize who you are.
Your words are full of anger, rage, red hot rage.
Your eyes are not yours.
Your voice, your personality, it all slips away.
Your laugh comes with such authority.
You dig in, as hard as you can.
And I kneel down and wait for you.
I will wait for you.

I slip into your room, we lay down, face to face.
I start my confession.
I feel as though I am losing you, as though I have lost you and I just want you to know, that I miss you.
The tears, they start trickling down your face and mine.
The honestly just pours out of me and I always wonder if this is too much information for you to hear.
My disappointment is hurtful.
My anger is trying to cool.
And I kneel down and wait for you.
I will wait for you.

Kissing noses, you say that you love me, that you are sorry.
I tell you that I know this isn't the real you, that you are full of good and love.
You are kind and caring, you are loving.
I know that you can lead.
I know that you are the definition of love.
And I kneel down and wait for you.
I will wait for you.

I know that tough times are ahead.
Times where I will lose you all together.
Times where you will be trying to figure out who you are so your definition of self will change every day,
almost moment to moment.
I know that this is just our beginning.
That the little person I put on this earth and loved and thought I knew so well is fighting for her own identity.
And I kneel down and wait for you.
I will wait for you.

At the end of your journey,
your self discovery,
I will be here.
I will be waiting for you.

No matter who she is.
No matter your choice,
I will kneel down and wait for you.
I will wait for you.