Childhoodtake2!

The last three years have been difficult.
Trying, long, tiring years.
Cole turned one, started to cry and hasn't stopped.
We renovated our house, while living through the hell.
We have had to 100% stop how we are parenting and find another way.
Jobs have become exhausting in the most brutal of ways.
Life, became daunting.
And I know,
I know this isn't the worst.
Because our little faces are also in their sweet spots.
I know it will become even more exhausting.
I know teenage years will be even more difficult.
I know that figuring out life plans will be even harder.
I know my anxiety cannot always keep up.
I know how much I will miss all of this.

But, we have been through a lot.
In these three little years.
And I think we are starting to see
the other side.

Cole, this little man has taken to school so well.
He is starting to cry less.
He is starting to laugh more.
He is starting to hug, all of the time.
He is becoming who he is.
He is starting to love his life.
He is playing and creative and smart and full of energy that you want to keep up with.
He is love.

Anna, she is back.
Because of us, we came close to losing her this summer.
And we regrouped.
We figured out that it wasn't working.
We found another way.
We waited,
we loved
we put our arms around her and wouldn't let go.
We knew she was in there, and within weeks, she came back.
She is doing well at school.
She is kind, she is gentle.
She is learning about friendships and how to be a good friend.
She is learning to open up.
She is full of hope.
She is full of love.
She is creative and wondrous and smart and loving and full of "I want you to be proud of me and love me".
She loves traditions.
She loves our family time.
She craves it.
But she also loves time with her friends.
She is love.

We are not all of the way there.
We still have very difficult moments.
Not a single one of us is perfect.
We all fall back to old routines of yelling, or frustration.
We all have bad days.
We are human after all.

But, we are learning.
We have found our humor again.
I have found my laugh.
I have found what it feels like to feel joy again.
Joy, pleasant, happy, loving my life joy.
We are growing as a family and we are not giving up.
On us, or each other, or this time.
And, it's true,
time does heal.
Time cures.
Time makes you realize how much you have done
how much you have worked
how much you have sacrificed
how much you have changed
how much you have loved
how much you have fought
how many times you have had to put your fighting gloves down
how many times you have had to take your fighting gloves off
how many times you have chosen love
how much you have given up
how much you have had to find another way
how much you have to let go
how much you still have to go
and how far you have come
to get to the other side.