13
Apr

The talks

They started long before the world went quiet. They started when you needed me most and when I was finally able to be there. They started on our walks, or right before bed, or in the car. They started as nonsense, little things that made you hysterically laugh. They would always have something I never realized about you. Something you've been wanting, waiting, to tell me.

They've brought us closer because we are building trust and I am working on my reactions, especially my lack thereof. So, the quieter I am, the more and more you talk.

You tell me about your day, you tell me about your friends, you tell me about your teachers. You tell me about what is concerning to you, sometimes I have to prod a little to get you to talk about some bigger stuff. Sometimes I have to ask more open-ended conversations about things. But mostly, you just talk and I just listen.

And, you look forward to this time together as much as I do. You ask for it now, time with just us. You ask for moments with me, walks, drives, errands. You ask to be together. Most times you want nothing more than to just be together, but that's how it always starts, moments of quiet that get you to talk.

And I do have to filter through it, sometimes I need to stop you and ask a follow up question, sometimes, I let you know how I would feel, but none of that is important.

All that matters is that you are talking and that you keep talking. All that matters is that you know I am here, I am available and I am listening. All that matters is that you know it is safe for you to talk to me, it doesn't mean there won't be questions or at times concern, but you are safe. You can ask me things, big things little things, they all seem pretty big to you right now. You can ask me how I met dad, how I knew I loved him, what we were like when we were dating, you can ask me what it was like before I met dad, you can ask me what I'm afraid of and what I do about it. You can tell me that you're afraid too, and even though you think you're scared of a lot more things than you actually are and even though you think this bonds us, the truth is sweetie, you always try. You always put yourself out there and try so, that makes you so much braver than you will ever realize.

This introverted mom is pretty tired. There is very little alone time and my moments of reprieve are now filled with kiddos in tow. There is a lot of time together, a lot of hanging on each other, a lot of talking.

Please keep talking. Please allow me the wisdom to keep my mouth shut. Please afford us this time. Please tell me how much you really want to go back to school and why. Please tell me who you miss and why. Please tell me what is changing around you and why. Please keep talking.

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